This is what you say to people..

I found this on a website and I thought it was great.


~What God meant when he gave me infertility..

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive advice. We can list all the most popular ones: Just relax and you’ll get pregnant”, or “adopt and you’ll get pregnant,” of the most painful from those who think they’ve got the goods on God’s plan, “Maybe God never meant for you to have children.” The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me. These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say “Maybe God never meant for you to live.” However, because I am infertile, I’m supposed to get on with my life. It’s hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, “Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung, or die. What if he’d never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?

I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility. No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I’m on. I’ve been placed on the road less traveled, and more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven’t let him down. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I’ve ever known. While I would never have chose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I’ll say " Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."
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I know its early.11dpiui

I know I always preach to wait till at least 12DPO...but this morning I knew I had a test in the cabinet and I thought what the heck I will test today and everyday after today if I have to. Some little thought in the back of my mind was hoping that maybe I would be one of those girls that got an early positive...yea it makes me LOL too...ugh why would I even think that I have no clue. So I just wasted some more money, but oh what the hell right. I didn't even tell H that I was going to test this morning he thought I was holding out till tomorrow, but he knew I did as soon as I walked out of the bathroom because of the look on my face. He immediately said, aww what did it say? I told him it was negative and he was trying to keep my spirits up by saying "now you know the nurse told you not to test till the 27th, its way to early...maybe thats just the trigger getting out of your system."

My faith is dwindling every day about this cycle. Every time I have a little twinge it gives me false hope. I wish if AF is coming she would just hurry up.....its going to be a long week....:( I know what you are thinking- why is she giving up already? I am just mad more than anything, how could something so perfect not turn out the way it should...it just doesnt make sense.

The countdown is definitely on...

I am getting so anxious this week. I am literally reading into every twinge and symptom possible...its driving me batty! I am trying to stay calm but optimistic at the same time. The HCG shot threw me for a loop I have to say because it was so strange knowing that all week HPTs said "that I was pregnant" when in fact I wasn't. Its just a strange thought in the back of my head, not to mention all the symptoms that came along with that shot. So I have chalked it up to..whatever symptoms I have noticed so far are definitely due to the shot. I will be 12dpiui on Sunday, so that will be the big day and its also my MIL bday.lol Of course we will more than likely keep the result to ourselves for a while(if its good) until the b/w appt.

So we'll see what happens!! Please say a little prayer for us, that whatever happens we will get through it and have strength!

IUI#1 :)

I did not have time to post about the IUI yesterday, so I made it a priority this morning.:)

We go to the RE at about 11:30, DH went back first of course and then we waited to both go back for the IUI. My usual doctor was not in the office yesteday so the other doctor performed the IUI. He was great...I dont know which doctor I like the most!! The doctor that actually performed the IUI is the same RE that my Mom saw when she was trying to have me!! He liked to hear that, how everything has come full circle.:)

To our surprise instead of having 2 big follies, we had 3!! 3!!! Thats right..what a shock...one popped out from my right ovary by surprise.:) So I am proud of both my ovaries this month. My DH had bragging right again...instead of the normal 10 million sperm he had 120 million!lol

So, now I am in the biggest, most anxious and exciting 2ww of my life!lol Just praying that at least one of those lil eggies holds strong...we will pray for them every night. I already miss seeing them on the u/s...its the little things in life.:)

Yay! Good news!

My follies are still going strong!! They look wonderful on the u/s machine..I am proud I must say.lol;)
We went in at about 8:30AM this morning for some bloodwork and the u/s. I could tell DH was excited, this was his first time in a while that he has been able to go with me. I told him it would shock him when he saw the difference between my right ovary and the left. The nurse looked at my lining and she said "my little bed was very thick and that was great"...the she went over to the right ovary first..."ehhh, yea it looks like that one is not doing much"..which I already expected. THEN....drum roll please.........she went over to the left ovary...and there you have it! Perfect two little follies right on top of each other! She smiled, I looked at DH right away and his eyes got as big as quarters!lol I said..its amazing isn't it! The nurse then said everything looked perfect and looked at DH and said "are you ready for possible TWINS??" We both just grinned and we said that would be great but we would be thankful for one or two!

The nurse said that she would call back in a few hours with the b/s results...so we went and rode around Isle of Palms which we had not done in a while, and it was really nice. Then we stopped and ate breakfast. The nurse called me back on the way home and said to take the HCG shot tomorrow early morning at 1:30 in the morning!! She said I could mix it before we go to bed, put it in the fridge and set the alarm for like 1/1:30AM and we will get up and do the shot.

Our first IUI is Tuesday at 11:30 AM!!!!!!! I am overly excited but cautious at the same time.:) DH put a reminder in his phone on the calendar "Make baby at 11:30AM" LOLOL
Say a little prayer for us!

Excited for tomorrow..:)

So how do you like the new blog?? I figured I would do something for Valentine's day..and that new scrapblog website that Kaymee introduced me to...wow...it is soo addicting! Thanks Kaymee, it keep me very occupied when I am bored!

~Tomorrow is hopefully our last u/s before the big IUI!!:) If all goes well I should have one big follicle around 21mm or so and the other should be around 18. I am still so proud of my left ovary, now the right one...thats a different story, not unless it did something amazing over the last two days. I get so freakin's excited about these u/s's its ridiculous! My hubby gets to go with me tomorrow too, which I love. He gets so interested in things since he gets to come in there with me.:) The way the nurse sounded my HCG will be tomorrow night...I am making H give that to me because it looks a little scarier than the Follistim shots I have been giving myself.

So, everyone say a little prayer for me tonight and keep your fingers crossed that these follicles have some good quality eggs in there!!!:) I will post again as soon as I get back from the RE.:)

Goodnight!

It's been a while..but I have good news!

The meds have been going good, I am getting used to the shots. So as for now I am taking 33.3mg of Follistim shot at night and 1500mg total of Metformin, which means I take it three times a day...and my stomach has finally adjusted and the symptoms sometimes come and go.

Wednesday I had my CD9 u/s and I was somewhat disappointed. The nurse only found one decent follicle which was only about 14mm...and my right ovary was a HOT mess with 18 small ones that weren't doing much of anything.:(

BUT today I go back for my next CD11 u/s and right when she put the u/s thingy up to my left ovary we both started to smile..I thought to myself, that can't be TWO big ones!! WOOO HOO! She said "look at that, now you have two follicles in the running!" They looked perfect to me, but maybe I am biased;).lol So after the u/s I had my blown drawn for my LH levels to see if I am ovulating on my own or need the HCG shot. I spoke with the nurse and she said it looks like the IUI will be Sunday or Monday and that by then both my follicles will be at least 18mm...and the largest around 20!:)
I practically ran out to the car, I could not get to my cell phone fast enough. I called my husband right away and the first thing I said was "Honey, we have TWO now!! They are perfect!" You would think I just saw twins!lol He was soooo happy- he was like way to go honey, that is awesome. Every morning he kisses my stomach and roots for my ovaries and my lil eggies! I just love him.......:) He makes my heart melt. I could not look up at the sky enough on my ride to work and just thank god for the day and what I saw on that u/s.

Its the little things in life that I am look at now. Who would have ever thought in a million years I would be here going through what I am. Everything that has happened to me is making me stronger and more appreciative. One step at a time...I can't wait for Sunday/Monday.