Oh my gosh! I can't believe that in less than a month we know if our beautiful baby is a boy or a girl! When I even look at gender ultrasounds on youtube I cry every time so I know that whole day I will be full of all emotions! A tear runs down my face every time I hear my baby's heartbeat and especially when I see it moving on the u/s machine.
I feel so priviledged to have our baby growing inside of me and just to have the chance to go through this. In a way I want the pregnancy to fly by so I can see and hold the baby in my arms but sometimes I know I will feel sad not be pregnant anymore, because I just love the feeling of being pregnant.:)
Today has been one of those days where I am looking back on this whole journey and really seeing how lucky we really are. I had a woman named Jan PM me on thebump website and she told me that she loved reading my blog because she could relate to my stories and everything thing I was going through. Her story brought me to tears. I know what it feels like to go through infertility for 15+ months but I can't imagine 8 years of infertilty. We can relate in many ways and its like every word she writes about the heartache and disappointment truly touches a soft spot with me.
I remember the days where I would be driving home from work and another friend would call me and say someone was pregnant. It seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant within their first month of trying or either they were still in birth control and it was a complete surprise....I was so angry. I would be in my car by myself and literally want to just hang up the phone. I would cry on my way home many times. I was happy for all of the people that were pregnant and I would NEVER let them know that I was sad inside for myself. I knew somewhere far off in the future I would be in their place so help me God..no matter what I had to do.
It was the comments that hurt me to the core. My friends being distraught about the pregnancies "how did this happen so quick..blah blah" "all I had to do was look at him." If they only knew what was really running through my head.
Grin and bear it right.
There was a time right when I was about go in for my IUI I just wanted some support from a friend. So I called up a friend and I told her I had THREE good follicles at my u/s...I was so excited and I wanted her to be excited with me..even though I knew she knew NOTHING about infertilty. Well, needless to say, she didnt GET it.
She said "Well of course...when you go in for that fertilty stuff you are more prone to have like multiples, I mean look at the octuplet mom!" I literally wanted to scream through the phone. I ended the conversation quickly by just saying "You know what I am nothing like the octuplet mom and its not the same situation..sorry I even brought it up" It's times like these where I just want to shout at the world for being so close minded and so ignorant. Just because you see some crazy woman on TV does not mean that every woman who goes to a fertilty specialist is the octuplet mom....get educated people! Please!
So, I AM one of the lucky ones..our first IUI worked..I was still in complete shock for at least the first two months. In a wonderful, paranoid shock of course..but it was definitely surreal! I just want to say to all the ladies TTC out there. Please don't be scared when you find out something is wrong, find a good doctor to help you. There will be times when you get upset..you will cry till you think you can't cry anymore. Just know that when you see those two beautiful lines one day that it will be all worth it and you will appreciate what a miracle it is to get pregnant!
Ok enough rambling! GL everyone!
